More Story!

Before you read this, STAY THINE EYES! Stayyyyyy. Have you read the start of this epic-of-epic-proportions? Because things generally flow better when you begin at the beginning. Yeah. You can have that for FREE. Oh yeah. And the story starts, confusingly, at the bottom of this page. Go figure.

Alex Walls 05 January at 11:51

(Not at all! It's about time we dispatched Johnny)

Meanwhile a passing witch with PMS (Post Magic Syndrome) bad

temperedly transmogrified (kudos Bill Watterson) Hogwarts into a

COMPLETELY DIFFERENT AND THEREFORE NON-LIABLE CASTLE,

which LUCKILY still contained the Olympian Princess Alice (insert

lavish worship here) and the chicken coop that was Ellie's destination.

Most unfortunately, the peasants of the castle, sick to death of the

constant quips about supposed revolutions sounding humourously

(or humourLESSly) like a slight upon their personal hygeine were

indeed revolting and had laid seige to the castle, kidnapped the

ineffable Princess Alice as their new goddess and had released a

statement claiming the chickens had been liberated from their

bourgeoise oppression in a coop (NB: pun re coup) and were now

being integrated for the common good into communal nutrition

production housing.

Alice Claire Hunt 05 January at 12:00

Recovering from the length of the sentence, Princess Ellie and Miike

(who had caught up with our new heroes) hid in the cave which Clucksy

had initally been running to, in order to form a plan.
"We must save Alice!!!!" exclaimed Ellie, becoming distressed at the

thought of her sister having to speak to commoners. "She is the keeper

of the Elix...i mean the family jewels!!"

Although Ellie was dim witted in most aspects of life, she knew the

importance of the Elixer and was appalled at her almost slip of the

tongue.

Alex Walls 05 January at 12:18

Having recovered from the perilously long sentence (apologies), the

fearless trio set off, Mike none the wiser that his precious Elixir was

in the hands of a beautiful yet mercilessly cruel FIEND. For yes! Princess

Alice was a sorceress of unparalleled power, having managed to swing

the American elections so that Bush won! Ellie, cowed all her life by her Republican-pushing sister, knew it was time to fight for the powers of

good: a free form government devoid of human presence! She would

fight for honour, freedom, her true love Johnny (who, among other n00bs,

had fallen for Alice's charms and agreed to seek the Elixir) and non-dairy, gluten-free, organic apple pie!

Alice Claire Hunt 06 January at 17:57

In the cave, many a bat were living.
Ellie crouched next to Mike and asked "How are we going to approach

the castle? There are many hidden entrances but they are mainly

around the back of the castle, so we must find a way to distract the

rampaging workers!!!"
Miike having completed Final Fantasy 7 knew a thing or two about

adventures so he began to devise a plan!

Alex Walls 07 January at 22:10

He also knew a thing or two about poor graphics and incredibly

intricate plot, two factors this story is definitely without, so he pulled

out his 3D DrawPad (TM) and began to create Holo-Selves for himself,

Ellie, Clucksy and a bat who happened to be napping in front of him

named Cornelius. Before he could get carried away with the moon and

cuboid-inspired trees, Mike sent forth the Holo-Selves to spout consumer rhetoric as a distraction for their sneaky sneak through the laundry

chute into the castle.

Alice Claire Hunt 08 January at 07:50

Dashing into the laundry chute Ellie got her seam caught on a

loose nail. She pulled and pulled to free herself but the nail

seemed to be having a gay old time watching her silently struggle.

In the distance the Holo-Shelves were proving not much of a

distraction as they merely housed objects, and once the rioters

were satisfied they had in fact read all the issues of "Buffy the

Vampire Slayer" on display they continued on with their angry

commotion.

Yelling down the landry chute Ellie tried to alert the others of

her situation.
"Mike! Mike please, I appear to be caught!"
"Mike can't save you now deary..." replied the voice from

deep below her.

Alex Walls 10 January at 17:23

And into the light swung Spike, who had been hanging down in the

laundry chute, waiting for women's underwear to pass him (don't ask).

"Hey baby" he said, prominent cheekbones glistening in the light,

successfully hiding the fact that he was a) anorexic b) not ACTUALLY

good looking and c) was utterly creepy. Ellie, caught off guard by said cheekbones and also the fact that Spike had ripped his shirt off whilst

staring into the distance, entrancing her with his abs, slowly walked

towards the gaping entrance of the chute...

Alice Claire Hunt 10 January at 17:38

the chute being in the ground, Ellie fell forwards and ripped her

dress. But this was the least of her worries, as when she landed

she saw Miike and clucksy tied to chairs in the corner. Before she

could free her mates Spike had once again flashed his abs, a

technique he learned from twilight, and Ellie was under his spell

once more.

Alex Walls 10 January at 17:43

Yes, and before this writing can get too Twilight-esque (read:

UTTERLY CRAP) Spike had in turn been mesmorised by Ellie's

now rather minimalistic clothing approach and had started to

slobber. Repulsed, Ellie shook off the last of the ab-trance, saw

Spike for what he was (a D list scare crow) and kicked him in a

place no man who wants children should be kicked.

Alice Claire Hunt 10 January at 17:47

Spike knealing on the ground Ellie shouted "It's ok guys, ill set

you free!!!" and pulling her handy princess switchblade from her

garter she cut them loose and hurried out of the laundry room,

locking behind them a howling Spike.
"Are you alright" Asked Ellie, as Miike still wide eyed, followed her

down the long passage way.
"you were amazing back there, truly amazing." Miike was starring

at Ellie in such a fashion she decided it best to focus her attention

on Cucksy, as to not encourage this appernt new crush further.

Alex Walls 10 January at 17:53

The chicken formerly known as Clucksy had removed the 'l' in

her name in a reaction against binary programming code, for

a reason one could only assume was valid and powerful, since

it was expressed in indecipherable chicken sqwawks. This didn't

stop Cucksy trying to warn Ellie about the mummy shuffling

towards her from the crypts (conveniently, if rather unhygienically,

located behind the laundry) as Mike stared contentedly and uselessly

at Ellie and her now-on-display anatomy.

Alice Claire Hunt 12 January at 18:37

Cucksy pecked and pecked til Ellie noticed the shuffling toilet

roll and responded "OH Cucksy don't worry that's just Jim,

your cleaner!"
Jim was rather unfortunately burnt beyond recognition in a

chili sauce competition and the only place he'd been able to find

work was deep underground where no one had to look at him.

He shuffled on pass, wards the dryers and Ellie slapped some

sence back into Miike.
"Ok, so the entrance to the main hall is just up on our left, but I

think it will be guarded. Our best bet is through the kitchens!"
And with that they were off!!!

Alex Walls 15 January at 12:19

As they ran, Mike mentally noted to avoid seemingly innocent,

family-fun chilli competitions in future. Another blow for small

town entertainment, alas, but when one's chilli causes bowel

movements that set off the Richter scale, something needs to

be done. Skidding to a halt inside the kitchen, Cucksy sqwawked

in horror. Frozen chicken carcasses were piled up for the

horrified hen's eye to see. Recognizing a certain club footed

body, she screamed in horror, said "Uncle Mike?!" in Chickese

and fainted away just as a chef yelled "Fresh meat!"

Alice Claire Hunt 16 January at 07:20

Ellie and Miike were running too fast thru the kitchen to

notice Cucksy faint and unfortunately left her behind! Will our

chicken hero be ok? Or will she end up in front of our heroes

with a side of chips?
A good thing too that Ellie and Miike were busy hiding in the

pantry while a bustle of angry rioting workers (i think it was

the workers who were upset?) as the high death toll of this

story is enough to make anyone give up and roll over.

Alex Walls 19 January at 06:43

Mike decided that it was now or never with the fair princess

and accordingly he turned toward Ellie and whispered soulfully

"Have you heard of the game 'Seven Minutes in Heaven'? Cos I

feel like I'm in Heaven when I look into your eyes." Ellie replied

appropriately by throwing up on his shoes and then apologising

vaguely for spoiling his loafers as she watched Cucksy formulate

a daring plan of escape from her comatose position.

Alice Claire Hunt 10 February at 18:51

Cucksy is dead. And therefore cannot, willnot and shallnot be

making any type of escape plan. At least this is what the writer

thought, but it turns out Cucksy was usefull, even in death. As the

trollop of workers stormed by, and Miike tried to make his move

once more on the princess (he'd had far worse reactions than

vomit and was taking it as a plus) Cucksy body was blown into

a vent, blocking it and causing havoc to break loose EVERYWHERE!

Alex Walls 13 February at 12:03

With a BOOM! and the muffled sound of Cucksy's heroic corpse

being shredded into several hundred pieces, the castle kitchens

exploded upward in a huge fireball, severely scorching our heroes'

eyebrows and completely disbanding (and dismembering) the troop

of trollops marching against lowering the standard of living in the

castle. Thus Cucksy, that heroic fowl, freed our heroes to continue

their quest to find Princess Alice and the Elixir of Life and also single

handedly (or wingedly) upheld an economy of oppression for another

hundred years. Huzzah!

Alice Claire Hunt 14 February at 15:13

Huzzah indeed!
Ellie and Miike dashed thru the now empty corridors, occasionally

retracing there steps as they found their exits blocked by rubble.
"Where exactly are we going again?" asked Miike, as they doubled

back yet again upon finding a pile of rubble too large to move.
"I'm sure Alice will be in her room, the problem is she has 3 rooms

in the castle, so I figured if we can get to the operations station of

the castle we can figure out which one she is in!"
Ellie sounded so convinced this plan was good that Miike decided it

was best to just follow and hope.

Alex Walls 14 February at 16:01

Unfortunately Mike and Ellie had forgotten that Alice had been

kidnapped by the revolutionists and was at this moment sending

a prison guard on his way covered in the sticky rice she refused

to eat. Beautiful she may be, but spoilt rotten with no taste to

boot was the Princess Alice. So Mike and Ellie, with a last farewell

cake walk for Cucksy, headed to the laundry chute, miraculously intact,

and began to climb with a vengeance, Ellie firstly ensuring, with a

poin-ted stick, that Mike climbed up FIRST.

Alice Claire Hunt 14 February at 16:43

The stick came in handy for keeping Miike's pace up while

climbing the chute as well.
They cautiously peered out the top of the chute to asses their

surroundings. "Everyone seems to have gone inside to investigate

the explosion" commented Miike, as they glanced from the forest t

o the castle."I still can't believe I forgot Alice had been captured!"

Exclaimed Ellie, "I mean, I was the one to tell you that!!!"
Feeling this was an opportunity to show Ellie he really was capable

of being a good and prospective boyfriend Miike decided to bound

from their hiding place and triumphantly head towards the prison.

Pity he didn't see the upturned spade.

Alex Walls 06 March at 11:56

hahahah asses, I love your crazy spelling.

With a fall worthy of Charlie Chaplin, Mike bowed gracefully

from the scene, crumbling to the ground like some very crumbly

thing. Ellie rolled her eyes and decided the adventure would go

a lot quicker and a lot less retardedly if she just left Mike behind,

so she scattered some leaves over him and placed a branch carefully

over his prone form. THen she hiked up the remains of her dress and

stared ruefully at the pair of grey underpants she was wearing that

had once been green. "First stop, a clothes line!" she muttered and

headed toward the revolutionists' camp with gusto (an action, not to

be mistaken for gumbo, a really very tasty stew).